I Run Like A Girl

Hey friends! For today’s blog post, I wanted to share some struggles I’ve been going through during this quarantine. While I like to use this blog to focus on the positive things in life and I’ve been mostly sharing the fun activities that are keeping us busy during this quarantine, I also want to be real with the frustration, uncertainty and difficulties I have been going through.

Up until now, life during COVID has honestly been a bubble for me. SF is actually quite a nice city to spend a quarantine, and I have been spending more time outdoors and overall feeling less stressed by not going to the office. Everything about my job and life was pretty much the same…and my spirits were high.

But last week, the bubble burst for me when my company announced pretty drastic cost-cutting measures. I’ll be taking a pay cut, losing other benefits, and my company is moving out of San Francisco in a few months.

To be honest, I’m actually pretty proud of how my company transparently handled this difficult decision compared to other tech companies in the Bay, but I couldn’t help but respond emotionally to the news. I immediately went into problem solving mode and recalculated my finances, and things will definitely be tighter. I’m a type-A mega-planner and tend to plan my entire life, and for the past few years I have been aggressively saving for a big planned life event (more on that in a future blog post)…but with the COVID crisis, things are now on hold around this big life goal.

What made me even more emotional than the pay reduction was this was the first time this whole COVID crisis truly affected me directly. Up until now, I was in a stable bubble and took things for granted. I kept thinking that in a few months things will go back to normal and all my life plans will just be a few months behind, but now I have to accept that all my plans and hard work in saving for my dream may not pay off in time as I hoped. This loss of control of my life has been the toughest pill to swallow, especially as someone who tends to be a control freak.

My natural reaction after hearing this news is, “lots of people are in worse situations. You should feel lucky you even have a job.” I do feel guilty for moping around about this issue as I see people around the world who are in much more difficult situations than me. But I also believe everyone has their set of struggles, and I wanted to share mine as blogging has always been a way to process and reflect. I’m grateful for letting you all hear me out. Please shout if you are going through something similar or just want to chat.

What has been helping me move forward is still day-dreaming the future. Joe and I have very big, somewhat alternative life plans, and even though there is a lot of uncertainty given this world situation…we are patient and hopeful. I believe in my heart that it’s not a question of if, but when we will get the chance to make our dreams come true. Before the crisis, I literally had these plans down to the month based on my savings goals, but this pandemic is showing me that you really cannot plan life. I’m hopeful that waiting will make my heart grow even fonder for this dream…and someday when the world is ready, I will leap for the opportunity.