This past week on the road, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on this training cycle. Running the past 4 months has felt “business as usual,” and I never took a step back to think about “the why” I do it all…
Last weekend was the Boston Marathon. As I watched the elite men’s race finishing just seconds apart…I was brought to tears. Seeing the men’s such raw, emotional expression of intense pain and passion, running with every ounce of their heart in the last few miles…I’m nowhere near an elite runner, but I believe every runner can relate to that feeling. When you legs don’t have anymore left to give, and your mind is falling apart…and so you have to fight with your heart. Having a few races every year that strip you emotionally and overcoming the “pain cave”…it’s a really humbling experience.
Something I struggle with is how lonely the sport is. When you spend hours out there, your mind goes into really dark places. Thoughts come into my head about the pain of my past, my regrets, picking myself apart at times. But I put myself through it because I’ve always felt like I had something to prove – prove that I can make something of myself and of my life. These races help me see that I am good enough for myself. And hand to my heart, I do these races not for the medal, not for the pride or bragging rights, but it’s for me. And when I cross that finish line, it really makes me feel like anything is possible.
Running is a HUGE sacrifice. It really limits time I spend with family, friends, dedicate to work, you have to get up very early, and you’re always stressing about getting injured…I plan absolutely everything. But then I have to remind myself that this whole journey is suppose to be an adventure as there are a lot of unknown factors. With the routine of everyday life where I find myself naturally seeking control, running helps me break that and learn to let go. So much can go wrong during a race, but you have to let it go. And that’s why I’m here.
I feel so excited and ready with every ounce of my heart for the Eugene Marathon. I’m welcoming every challenge that will come my way in 26.2 miles…I’m welcoming the pain, the tears, the blisters, the toenails falling off, the emotions, the highs, the crowd energy…I welcome it all because I know I’m going to come out a better, stronger, and more grateful person.
I feel very thankful for having the time this week to soul search and prepare my heart. One more week until my life is changed once again. I seriously cannot wait. ❤