This is a hard topic to write about, but I was encouraged to share my thoughts after talking this out with other female travelers on this topic. While I try to use this blog to focus on positive things, I also want to be real in sharing the less glamorous parts of traveling so far. I hope sharing my experience here will help support and validate others going through the same thing.
It’s 6 weeks into my gap year trip, and the biggest struggle so far has been dealing with male harassment. When I walk down the street, it’s virtually impossible to go a block without a dozen eyes staring at me (almost all men). Many of them will try and talk to me, make inappropriate comments, hit on me, and not leave me alone when I say no. It’s been difficult losing my anonymity, knowing that dozens of people are examining my face, my body, my hair, my dress, how I walk, what I say…and since it’s almost entirely men giving me the stares, I can’t help but think it’s in a perverted way.
In terms of comments, I get everything from:
- “You from Japan? Your eyes small!”
- “Ni hao ma!”
- “Arigato!”
- “[gibberish in made-up Chinese]”
- “You so beautiful madam”
- “Why you alone? Where’s your husband?”
- “[pointing at me and speaking to their friend in a language I can’t understand]”
…You get the picture.
I know most of these men don’t mean to be inappropriate – most of them are genuinely curious and are trying to be friendly. I also understand there is a culture gap around what’s appropriate to say to women (#metoo has not come to this part of the world yet). But all my effort trying to understand the man’s point of view does little to change the fact that this is uncomfortable AF from my side. I originally responded to everyone who tried to talk to me to avoid being rude, but over time I just ignore these men to protect my emotions. If a woman or child talks to me, I’ll still respond.
And by the way, ignoring these men means they’ll repeat the comment even louder 2-3x times…they are very persistent.
I know every female traveler deals with this, but I think being an Asian woman intensifies the harassment because there aren’t a lot of solo travelers who look like me. And I get it – when I come across a woman-of-color who’s traveling alone, I also do a double-take. But that translates into even more men staring, examining, and picking me apart with endless questions about my background.
I could tolerate this if this happened a few times a day. But the frequency makes this really difficult…in big cities, I get a comment literally every 30 seconds (not exaggerating). After 6 weeks, this has taken a toll and I’ve had a few emotional breakdowns over this. It’s getting to the point where I need to give myself a pep talk every time I leave the door…
I dealt with this in the past, so I was prepared to some extent, but after 6 weeks it’s more of a struggle than past trips which were only 2 weeks at a time. I’ve tried to mitigate this by dressing more conservatively – most days I cover my legs and my shoulders. Absolutely no cleavage. But frankly, it’s barely made a difference.
Fortunately, the harassment in Cambodia/Sri Lanka has not been worse than other countries I’ve been to (Kenya was the worst by far as there were instances of physical harassment). I’m extremely grateful that I’ve stayed physically safe on this trip so far.
Sometimes I feel guilty for getting so worked up over this – I don’t want to sound like a social justice warrior who expects the rest of the world to behave as westerners do…I keep telling myself to suck it up, as this is just the way the world works and this is the price I need to pay to go on this amazing trip.
But the few times I’ve voiced my frustration to other travelers have made a huge difference in helping me feel validated. I realized I was not alone; literally every other female traveler goes through this. Talking about it helped me find the courage to continue tolerating it. Because that’s really all I can do…tolerate this, protect my emotions, and support others.
If other women out there are going through this, I want to say you are not alone! You are not the problem and so many others feel the same way. It’s 100% okay to feel uncomfortable, frustrated, and helpless. I hear you and I feel for you. You will find the courage to continue your amazing trip.
I Run Like A Girl 
What a brave and honest post. I’ve not done any solo travelling as I’ve got older, but I do love being in my fifties in the UK. I can sit in a bar on my own or do pretty much anything I want to these days that I didn’t feel comfortable doing earlier in my adult life, no one hassles a woman of my age. I find it so relaxing and well remember the hassle of my youth. Strangely when discussing this with other women my age and older some actually say they miss the attention and now feel invisible. I however much prefer being anonymous and left alone. So my point is that whether at home or travelling this situation will improve as you get older. For now unfortunately you are stuck with it until all the men of the world grow up! Keep safe, good to talk about this subject as as you say many of these men probably have no idea of the impact they are having on women and would just consider themselves to be nice and friendly rather than really annoying!
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Thank you for the encouragement! Great points and I’m glad to hear things get will better with age and that you feel empowered to do things you wouldn’t do earlier in life. I will happily pass the baton to the next generation if it means less hassle 🙂
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as a woman who travels alone in an RV I am often, very often stocked for followed and treated as if I am for sale by skidmarks, men also known as unwanted smears of shit. It’s constant. They actually believe that just because I own an RV that I am for sale. The good news is they don’t approach me because I believe that is a seventh grade mentality that they share but if they can entice me somehow to approach them that they are somehow innocent which is both absurd and immature. I wouldn’t approach Some under any circumstances and the sick and shallow way they go about it is so meticulously predictable. I want to reply to tell any woman reading this the best advice I can give you when it comes to male attention and they approach you and what they hope is an innocent fashion. One simple phrase spoken only once. Leave me alone! And then you do not speak no matter what they say. They inevitably start this while I was just doing this or I was going to tell you that or I need this and act innocent on the truth is they were hoping to open a door that you didn’t wanna open and you should not have to deal with them. I’ll call you names, they accuse you of being a bitch or a snob. You do not speak again because an argument takes two people to go back-and-forth and they’ll respond to leave me alone and when you don’t reply they run out of gas. And they usually leave angry but they leave and the good part is they will in their infinite innocence tell all the guys they know what a bitch you are and how you won’t talk and if you will try thinking they’re the exception but once you do this several times loudly the word will spread and these creeps will leave you alone. This works especially well in public places like parks where homeless men gather and when they see a woman alone they see her is the ultimate prize and meal ticket they’ve been living for. They’ll be pretty aggressive which is why the minute they speak you give them the old leave me alone order and shut up. Do not waste another moment because all the explaining in the world will just lead to them sinking their negotiating. simply don’t speak again and they will flounder and leave angry embarrassed accusatory but who cares. You’re rid of them and they will spread the word themselves. If you have a problem with being lied by people you don’t know who approach you to use you you really have a problem because most of the time they are looking for what they can get on any level you name including drugs and hopefully all the pleasant accoutrements they like including sex at your place. I’m not kidding I don’t even let them ask. Think about the prudence of not allowing them to ask you for anything by simply shutting them down with they leave me alone. Because once you reject them for everything else that’s when I think the real danger starts. Just shut them down completely with no talk at all pisses them off enough to go but usually they will avoid you after that because they’re embarrassed.
The other bit of advice I’ll give you especially if you’re in public like a bus stop where you can’t walk away from the person you have to be there when the bus comes, when guys and it is mostly guys come up and strike up a conversation that is unwelcome I simply don’t respond at all. I don’t answer and they usually repeat something thinking I didn’t hear them and I don’t answer any messages is very clear you’re not getting involved. And usually very embarrassed they’ll scurry away and leave you be even if they stand 10 feet away and give you dirty look who the hell cares. It’s probably the best ways these two suggestions that I have for disarming someone both men and women to target you for something. Three words leave me alone and shut your mouth or just shut your mouth and don’t respond no matter what they say.
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I am so so sorry you are going through this and the toll its taking on you. It is abusive and wrong and sadly totally accepted for the most part. Yet sexual misconduct, which I think this is, is a sin and a key negative karmic action as it should be. I validate and see your pain. It isn’t fair and most definitely not okay. Maintain strong boundaries to protect yourself. Thanks for sharing. ❤
– Tara
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Thank you Tara, I so appreciate your words! I agree that karma will come around one day, and maintaining strong boundaries and sharing our stories is the best we can do today. ♥️
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